I just spoke with Noah's nurse practitioner about his lab results from this morning; they look pretty good. We will continue with the (GM-CSF) injection tonight and tomorrow night, then Wednesday night will be shot free! Thursday morning we'll check counts again to see if he can sustain without the injection. He is definitely getting used to the shot, and I'm gradually getting better at giving it, so there is less anxiety between the both of us each night. Last night we didn't have to restrain him at all; he just relaxed in John's lap and didn't even flinch when the needle went in. He's a tough guy now; I wish he didn't have to be.
When Noah was diagnosed, I knew immediately what a long, physically/mentally taxing journey we, as a family, were about to begin. But I had no idea how my spiritual life, my relationship with the Lord, my theology, basically everything I knew/thought about God would be stretched, tested, doubted, increased, etc. I guess you could say I'm spiritually and emotionally worn out. I went for a drive Saturday (which I sometimes do to get away and think/pray) and I found myself, once again, asking the Lord to take this away from us, and most of all, from Noah. After crying and fussing and whining for a bit, I begin to just ask the Lord to come quickly. Come and relieve us from this world filled with sickness and broken hearts; come, and bring Your Kingdom with You. I know that anticipating the Lord's return is good, and we should all desire that. But I feel like my prayer was selfish in nature, because I'm tired of this world and it's sickness. What I haven't prayed in a while is, Lord use this trial to bring glory to Yourself. Lord use my son’s story to bring someone closer to You that hasn’t cared about You. Lord show someone who feels unloved by You that even in their pain, even in their “desert” that You are there, sustaining them, because of Your love for them. You never promised in Your word that we would be free from pain and suffering. You never promised that You would not give us more than we can handle. Paul pleaded many times to be relieved of the thorn in his flesh. When we are allowed to be given more than we can handle, more than we can bear, that’s when it’s so much easier to give it to You. Father take this burden and carry it for us. Let us be an example to others in pain, in grief, in the desert that in EVERY season of life You are still God. In EVERY season we still have a reason to sing, and most definitely still have a reason to worship You. It may be a little (or a lot) harder at times, but because of the hope we have in You we will get through this.
I'm posting a song below that I've been listening to about praising God in the different seasons of life. I hope it encourages whoever will listen.
Thank you again for still praying and encouraging us though this season. God bless!
P.S. And a special thanks to the Lion's Club for their fundraiser coming up this Saturday to benefit Noah and the medical expenses incurred for his treatment.
These posts are written by Noah's parents Jessica & John David Crowe. The default author is Jess, and those written by John David will be noted.