We are halfway through Noah’s radiation treatment! We are “over the hump” so I’m praying it will be downhill and smooth sailing from here. Noah has had a good week so far, but he is experiencing some hair loss and tenderness at the radiation site. He is not lacking for energy, though. This morning at the radiation oncology center he performed a tap dance routine for everyone in the waiting area, and after his nap the bed turned into a boat and we had to fight off the sharks with Elmo and Brobee pillows. This afternoon we met some friends at a local park with a playground and Noah could run and keep up with all the other kids…the only thing visibly different about him was the hair loss. It’s amazing how resilient he is.
Monday was Noah’s birthday and we celebrated on Saturday with family. It was a Yo Gabba Gabba party, complete with balloons, colored lights that danced with music, some of his favorite foods, his “jump-jump” (an inflatable basketball court), power wheels races in the backyard (which turned into power wheels and lawn mower races), and his birthday gift, a new trampoline. The kids (and some of the adults…) had so much fun I think we’ll do it again this weekend!
Another exciting bit of information: we have Noah’s Make-A-Wish trip planned! We actually just got it rolling today. We will be going to Give Kids the World, where we will have access to the Disney Parks, Universal Studios, and Sea World. It will be Noah’s first plane ride, and he is very excited. I have a feeling we will be spending a lot of time in the swimming pool, the splash pad, and the ice cream shop on the GKTW property. Our trip will begin on April 7th, so I’m praying now that Noah will feel at 100% to be able to run, jump, swim, play, and enjoy every fun and amazing thing that will be presented to him.
I’ve written about this before, but after Noah was born I would pray the same type of prayer over him most every night after he went to sleep: Protect my son, grow him to be a strong man, a man of respect and integrity, a man who follows after You, Lord, and will be a righteous man who leads many to Your love and grace. But above all, use Him for Your glory; He is Your child. I could not have anticipated how the sincerity of that prayer would be tested. But above all, use Him for Your glory. I have to be honest, it took me a while after Noah’s diagnosis to begin praying that last part of my prayer again, because I realized that oftentimes when we ask for God’s glory, it isn’t an easy route to find it. I wanted people to see God’s glory and provision through our lives, but not in this way. I’ve never doubted God’s sovereignty or purpose, but I’ve been angry lots of times, at God, for permitting this to happen. Why my son? Who wouldn’t ask this question? I spoke with another mother of a child with cancer, and this is basically what she said about that question: “Why my child? I have seen so many families struggling with this horrible situation that could not deal with it. They did not have Christ as the center. I thanked God that He chose my family, my daughter, and not another family that didn’t know Him and have God to lean on and help them through.” I was so taken aback my her selfless statement that I didn’t know what to say, but just cried. I wasn’t there yet. I’m still not completely there, but I’m getting closer to completely accepting this with open arms. This world is full of heartache and pain, death and destruction, and it’s what I do with my pain that shapes my life and my relationship with God.
This Sunday morning at church I was very upset, just overwhelmed with the thought that I would have to leave in a few hours to drive my son back to Birmingham without my husband. John had just preached a great message about the importance of the Holy Spirit and His activity in our lives. During the invitation I just pleaded with God to heal Noah, and give me strength to finish this part of our journey. I remembered that prayer I’ve prayed so many times, but above all, use Him for Your glory. And I felt the need to just let it go, and release my son to God. I’ve been holding so tight, trying to control what I can - whether it be planning and preparing for emergency or cleaning obsessively, etc. - and I really felt in my soul He was urging me to let go. Man, it’s a hard thing to do. It’s a hard thing fully trust God. But I’m allowing Him to give me strength to do that.
Tuesday before nap time Noah and I were snuggled in the bed; he was looking through his bible, pointing out the stories he knows and likes to tell in his 3 year old vernacular. He stopped all of a sudden and clasped his hands saying, “Dear God, please make my boo-boo better. God thank You for fixing my boo-boo.” And then he went back to looking at his stories. I tried not to let him see my tears…it was so sweet and I thought, I know You heard that Lord…grant his request!!
We are almost done with this week, and we appreciate your continued prayers and support! I still love getting your letters and emails…it’s good to be reminded that you’re still reading and praying. We love and appreciate you all!
“Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (Philippians 4:11-13).
These posts are written by Noah's parents Jessica & John David Crowe. The default author is Jess, and those written by John David will be noted.